Roland Carmichael
Roland Carmichael
Portrayed By Clive Owen
Gender Male
Sexual Orientation Heterosexual
Religion Agnostic
Date of Birth January 15
Age 39
Occupation Hitman, wannabe writer
Known Relatives Nobody
Significant Other None
Appears In Theme 2

Roland Carmichael is a misanthropic hitman who lives in a mundane studio apartment in the mundane apartment building in the mundane city. His life is very mundane. And full of murder. But even that gets mundane after a while.


Roland Carmichael was born on January 15th, the middle child of four (one older brother and two younger (twin) sisters). Being the son of a hitman who worked for one of the lesser-known families in the organized crime circuit, Roland learned very early on the importance of loyalty and of keeping one's mouth shut. He was also imbued with a strict sense of honor and taught the "eye-for-an-eye" mentality that he still maintains today.

As he grew up, Roland was sent to several good schools, which he attended with great enthusiasm. As he aged, he began to formulate great plans for his future career: a doctor, a pilot, a teacher. But reality is tough for a kid who manages to be middling at everything he ever does, and with each passing year, his expectations grew lower and lower.

At the age of seventeen, just before graduating high school, he met Brandi, whom he began to date. Theirs was a whirlwind romance full of all the youthful vigor that one would expect from two horny teenagers. After six months, they professed their love. After a year, that love budded in the form of an unborn child. After a hasty wedding ceremony and nine months gestation, Natalie was brought into the world, and Roland was thrust into the thrilling world of Being A Grownup. He had to settle for a career as an accountant and worked hard to get himself through college, helped in no small amount by Brandi's family, who had slightly better connections in the organized crime circuit than his own.

He, Brandi, and Natalia made a decent living, despite the fact that Roland was an aggressively average accountant. It helped that Brandi's uncle liked that his daughter had married the son of Rin-Tin-Tin Carmichael and saw fit to hire Roland for odd little (violent) jobs here and there. Due to his propensity for using a power drill on his victims (something he discovered early on that he liked), Roland was given the nickname "Organ Grinder", in which he took great pride. He was the favored nephew, he had a wonderful and loving wife, a beautiful daughter. Everything was looking splendid for the up-and-coming mafia man.

But then it changed.

It was very gradual, slowly creeping up over the course of a decade. Roland started to take less and less pleasure in the screams of his victims. He started to put less stock in the praise of his beloved uncle, and his eye roamed. His marriage became very strained, though his relationship with his daughter changed very little. The source of this decline was unclear to everyone, even Roland. His spark simply flickered and died out.

The clincher came when Roland was around 29 years old. The don of the family to which Brandi was connected was arrested and convicted for manslaughter. One month later, he was found murdered in his cell. It started a major internal war within the organization — a war that tore the entire operation apart. The stress, tension, and in-fighting were too much for Roland and his wife. He moved out and hunkered down to wait out the storm — which included a messy, messy divorce and losing custody and visitation of his daughter.

When all was said and done, after ten years of bouncing around, Roland wound up in a shoddy little studio in a ten-story building somewhere in a small city. While work never became too scarce for him, he got it into his head that he could become a writer if he really wanted to, and so he bought himself a typewriter and set all his brooding to work tik-takking out short stories in his free time. Nothing he ever produces is any good, but considering that he never lets anyone read it, that's not much of a problem, really.



Broody, full of ennui, cannot be bovvered. Roland doesn't particularly care. Misanthropic and stand-offish but not aggressively anti-social; easy to annoy but not to anger. Very quiet.


To be added?


Very tall, strong, middle-aged, dark curly hair, green eyes. Typically dresses a bit … "bachelor", i.e. sweats and a T-shirt are totally okay for being out in public what are you talking about. Cleans up well when he can be bothered to do so. Has a tattoo on his left pectoral of a fire-engine red power drill at ¾ angle surrounded by a bunch of roses and flames and other gawdy things. Probably the result of a drunken foray that he never bothered to get removed.


  • Murderface: Roland is good at what he does. What he does is kill people. Sometimes with a power drill. He's good with handguns and knives, too. And cars. And cleavers. And his fists. And really anything that he can use to kill someone with. The guy's resourceful.
  • Kittens!: He's got a soft spot for cats, and cats seem to get along really well with him. Which is good because he's got four of them living in his apartment.
  • Crunching Numbers: Need your books cooked? Taxes filed? Roland is … average at it, but at least he can do it?
  • Heavy-Lifting: He can do that too.


  • SOON

Miscellany/Author's Notes

  • He'd never admit it, but Roland suffers from partial anosmia. It's a condition that has gradually developed as he's aged.
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